


an endless dream (stay with me)

by angstoverload (TypicalAuthornim)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: -Ish, -ish set up, Angst, Break Up, Crying, Drabble, Dream like set up, Emotional, Emotions, Love, M/M, Metaphors, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Questions, Short One Shot, Stream of Consciousness, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, it happens in a dream, too many emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 03:58:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17717630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TypicalAuthornim/pseuds/angstoverload
Summary: wonwoo dreams.or, where dreams are not always pleasant, but are reminders of a pain that will always stay.





	an endless dream (stay with me)

**Author's Note:**

> this was totally on impulse and inspired by taeyeon's 11:11, mingyu'a alone trailer audio (it's so calming ;~;) and soonyoubg's shot at the beach in Home! (oops spoiler)

 

 

wonwoo dreams.

it isn’t anything special; it is far from special.

he dreams of a seashore; the golden sand glowing against the bright sun, the blue waters a perfect combination of shade. there is a bed amidst it all. it’s practically empty, unlike the other beaches he had been to. 

but wonwoo is not happy.

he is lost.

he looks around, over and over, something stuck in his throat but never making it out. it sticks inside; he feels like he’s being choked.

he walks, walks and walks till he feels like he cannot. he keeps looking around everywhere. the sun is blinding, but not so much. his heart feels like it’s going to come out of his throat.

he realizes it’s a word. a simple, two-syllable word that has become a part of him now; intertwined in him so much that untangling it would only result in pain.

he feels like someone is ripping that tangle apart. he realizes that the someone isn’t a stranger, but the reason for the tangle itself.

he drops to his knees. looks around once again. something pricks his eyes, and he closes them. his chest is filled with water that is not from the sea; with a feeling that he is not familiar with.

“wonwoo,”

he looks up almost immediately, ignoring the teary blur in his sight. he sees a distorted silhouette before him, and feels hands that reach for his face. he knows who it is; he can never forget.

“s-soonyoung,” he finally says. the lump in his throat disappears, but a new one grows. and this time, it isn’t a name. 

“soonyoung.”

it’a a feeling.

“don’t cry.” soonyoung says.  _ it’s easy to say _ , wonwoo wants to say back.  _ it’s easy to say when you aren't me _ .

“don’t,” he pauses, holding soonyoung’s hand. “don’t leave. please.”

soonyoung smiles sadly. wonwoo hates that smile; it makes him feel like the world is going to end. maybe it is; he would not know. he is not sure if he wants to know, either. if the world is ending, he’s more than happy to spend it in soonyoung’s arms, heart feeling secure and content.

“i won’t.” soonyoung says. it feels like he’s saying the truth, but wonwoo cannot bring himself to believe in it. “now sleep.”

wonwoo wonders when they came to the bed; when they came to their room. he wonders if soonyoung is saying the truth. he wonders if life would really give that liberty to him.

“stay,” he mumbles, exhaustion setting in his bones. where did that come from? “stay.”

wonwoo keeps an arm around soonyoung, just in case. just in case. he see soonyoung nod, but that is all he sees before his eyes pull close.

wonwoo finds himself looking at his sleeping self and soonyoung beside him. he sees everything from a perspective that possibly cannot be his. maybe it’s just his mind playing tricks. maybe it’s just him. he doesn’t know. he would never know.

he sees soonyoung card his fingers through his hair, looking at wonwoo with what could possibly be the softest, most loving expression ever. and the same, sad smile.

wonwoo finds dried tears across his own face, and reaches for his cheeks unconsciously. he looks exhausted even to himself. the tight frown on his face slowly loosens with every touch of soonyoung’s.

he looks at soonyoung, looks at his eyes; and there is a tug at his heart. it starts out dull, almost non-existent. but it grows. it grows beyond wonwoo’s control, and he can do nothing but watch as soonyoung’s sad smile is accompanied by tears. he too cries along.

“i’m sorry,” he sees soonyoung say.  _ no _ , wonwoo says. wants to say.  _ i’m sorry. _ “i’m sorry.”

wonwoo tries to get up. he tries to think of himself sleeping, and maybe he’ll somehow miraculously wake up in his own body. maybe he can stop soonyoung. maybe he can tell him to stay.

the wonwoo on the bed doesn’t wake up. he looks calm, terrifyingly calm for what is about to happen. his breath are even,  _ calm _ , while the wonwoo standing and looking at everything cannot even bring himself to breathe.

he tries reaching out to soonyoung, but realizes that he cannot. 

he realizes he never can. he will not be able to do anything. he can only watch, watch, and watch.

his legs give up. the pain on his knees does not match the one in his heart.  _ please, soonyoung _ , he pleads out loud.  _ please stay _ .

soonyoung pushes the sleeping wonwoo’s arm away from his waist, and leans forward to kiss his forehead.

wonwoo tries to scream. soonyoung does not turn.

and just like that, everything turns black. another cycle. another dream. another place, another time.

_ when everything is different _ , wonwoo wonders as he sees the last bits of light seeping through the dark clouds above his eyes.  _ why aren’t we? _

wonwoo wakes up. there is a stream of wet tears across his cheeks. he cannot breathe. the space beside him is empty. the name is still stuck on his throat.

he looks up at the wall to see a picture of a beach; the shore that is the premise in his dreams.

his phone rings beside him. it's an alarm set by soonyoung, but he is not there to respond to it. he wonders if soonyoung wakes up in time. wonders if soonyoung ever thinks of him the way he does.

he turns to the side table, and finds a picture of them, blissfully happy. good times, those were. 

wonwoo pushes the blankets off his body and sits up. his knees are throbbing; a dull pain of a reminder of what happened.

he pulls himself up, pushes himself to do everything, and does not stand. he looks at the mirror and finds an unfamiliar face instead.

the sea. the bed. the hand through his hair. everything still feels fresh. if he reaches out, he can almost touch the phantom silhouette of soonyoung right before him.

he shakes his head; denies everything before it hits him. he pulls a coat over himself and drags himself out, never looking back. the sun is hidden by the clouds. it’s like a deja vu; he has definitely seen this somewhere.

another day. another time. the same wonwoo, the same soonyoung; the same dream. it will never change, and wonwoo will suffer again and again, because that is what he gets. that’s what he feels like he deserves; an endless loop of guilt and emotional heaviness that will always remind him of what he lost.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact i intended for the fic to have 96 somewhere and it came in the no. of words hehehe
> 
> this is a very new style of writing to me, and i still feel like it's bit too jarring and such.... i love feedback!! i like reading them a lot uwu thanks for reading the fic!!


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